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Looking after ourselves

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Alone in Pregnancy

Hi, I’ve literally never done this before. Never been on any social media so the idea of posting anything is very foreign to me but I’m feeling very anxious and alone. My husband and I are going through issues at the moment. It is compounded by childhood trauma of my husband that is causing a very difficult environment and on top of it all I fell pregnant whilst on the pill and he doesn’t acknowledge the pregnancy is a happy way but as another thing that he can’t really deal with and that he thinks we shouldn’t undertake at the moment despite him telling me for the longest that he wants to have children with me. Whilst I understand where he is coming from I have never felt so alone and confused about the circumstance. All I want is him and he is currently incapable of that and most times feels like he is questioning the marriage. We started seeing a couples therapist, we are about to have our 10th session and whilst there have been things that we have taken away from it my anxiety, panic attacks and extreme loneliness is intensifying. I don’t know what to do and feel incapable of making the slightest decisions letalone anything particularly important 


Re: Alone in Pregnancy

Hi @Mel4 and welcome to the forum. It's not always easy to reach out and it's great to see you here


I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time at the moment. Pregnancy can be such a tricky time in so many ways and it sounds as if you were already having a tough time before this.

Does your therapist know about the pregnancy? It sounds really hard for you to be going through all of this, especially when your marriage has been under stress already.


I can really empathise with how hard it is to make even the slightest decisions at the moment. When I was pregnant so much felt too big and too hard. Emotions, hormones, physical feelings and sickness, tiredness etc all merged for me and it was super difficult to make my way through it all.


If you're interested, PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) is a great service with a helpline which both you and your husbamd can contact for support, and some fantastic resources online. You can find details here. Keep posting here if it's helpful also. You're not alone here. 

Re: Alone in Pregnancy

Hi @Mel4
I am also new to the forums. In fact I only looked into all of this last night. You are not the only one to fall pregnant on the Pill. 22 years ago I in fact did the same thing, when I was 21 and my then partner and now husband was only 18. We had only been together for 3 months and I was terrified. I was not a maternal kind of person and I had never held a baby. Its scary falling pregnant when you don't know how your partner will react, and I am so sorry to hear your husband has not reacted well. I was lucky, my now husband was supportive, but his family hates (yes still) me. That put a HUGE strain on such a new relationship. My only advise is keep being there for your husband. Married life is not all sunshine and roses, it takes so much work sometimes. But hopefully that work will be worth it. 

As far as the anxiety goes, I really don't have much for you there. My anxiety at the moment is crippling - but it does sound like you may be getting at least a little bit of a handle on that. 

Remember to be kind to yourself. You are growing a little person inside of you at the moment and your hormones are going crazy. I think this is a great place to get some support if you need it, and I have noticed myself that just typing my worries out can be helpful. 
Babies are scary.... but I have to say, even now, looking back at what we were put through by the family I would still make the same decision to have my daughter. We always joke with her that she was our very big surprise!! Being 21 now she looks at us and says... yeah right ... your mistake. But I have NEVER called her that. I love her and her sister so much, never ever has she been a mistake. Hard times make the good times worth it.... now if I could just take my own advise! Smiley Frustrated

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