23-04-2019 06:41 AM
I have bipolar and when i am in a depressed phase i sometimes think it would be nice to die or i wouldn't care one way or the other if i died. i sometimes think about killing myself but not a lot - i don't think i would do anything to harm myself though. nonetheless, not the dream. what do people do when they feel this way? what do you come back at it with, what works? i am a Christian, so would especially love Christian perspectives on this, but all perspectives are also great and welcomed.
23-04-2019 09:03 AM
Hi @Jenn4 and welcome to the forums!
I always like to share with new comers that it is really brave to take a step to reach out for support in new places, so well done @Jenn4 . I am sorry to hear of your struggles with thoughts around death. Have you spoken to anyone about this, family? or have any supports like counsellors at the moment?
Just to gently clarify, the forum is a non-religious space that is open to all faiths, and equally all those not aligned to a faith so advice, support and connection will come from any and all that come through here 👍🏼
You have mentioned that you do not think you would harm yourself which is good to know and lets us know you are somewhat safe in this moment, however if you do feel unsure of your own safety around harm, I just thought I'd highlight some really useful helplines with counsellors that you can speak to as well.
Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat
Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling
Samaritans: 135 247
23-04-2019 09:23 AM
I have been in a simialr situation many times @Jenn4 - that feeling that life is too hard and the best way out of it would be if I did not exist anymore. Those thoughts are incredibly tough to deal with but I have been very lucky to have a wonderful support team around me as well as the fabulous people here on the forum. They collectively have heled me get through those tougher times and find a little hope in my life. Do you hsve a gp, pdoc, psych that you can talk to about your feelings. It is extremely important when you feel like this to reach out to your supports and be able to work through your feelings - and I emphasise that they are just feelings. You have said that you do not feel tht you would sct on those feelings but that does not mske them any esier to get through. Are there strategies/thing you have done in the past to help you get a little more enjoyment out of life? I find art and snuggling my fur babies give me a little relief from those feelings.
23-04-2019 03:26 PM
I think most people think like that at times during their life. I certainly have. I am talking over 50. It is important to find meaning in the things you do, and that meaning, whether in a career, activism, or caring for family or loved ones, can provide reasons for living, regardless of "how one feels". Eventually some of the bad feelings pass. My mother was very worried about my sister who suicided, becasue she said it was against her religion. Roman Catholic. Eventually my mother siad that God understood and that my sister was not in hell. I see it as having to do with everybody's struggles in life ... to do the right thing ... or at least to do one's best ... some people have a longer Dark Night of the Soul, than others ...
and then again some Generals do not worry about every consequence of every decision.
Take Care and try and find ways for hope to keep alive.
25-04-2019 04:02 AM
thanks @Appleblossom , @Zoe7 , and @Lauz . Yeah nah i definitely don't reckon i actually would do anything but i think about it - it's often like the thoughts are not my own or come from nowhere with no reason or rationale. Like sometimes i just imagine harming myself (or others) randomly out of the blue (again, this slight impulse is nowhere near strong enough for me to act on it at all, but it's shit nonetheless). I also worry these thoughts will get more powerful but idk they will. ¯\_(:/)_/¯
Re telling ppl, not really, i don't want to freak ppl out, i have mentioned it to one friend but we didn't discuss it, probs she would be up for doing so though, and i mentioned it to my GP when he asked, he noted it. I am working on supports.
@Lauz totes, like i said, welcome all responses ofc, but those from ppl with the same faith as me are sometimes easier and more on point for me, that's why i put the shout out to any Christian readers to feel free to add or emphasise their Christianity in their response. hope that makes sense. For example thinking of death is different for Christians (and Muslims are similar) to how it is for non-christians or non-muslims - we believe that what comes after death will actually be real and infinitely better life, so it's quite different. Death is not the end but the beginning of the real adventure and perfect happiness with no pain or suffering for us.
@Zoe7 , any tips on getting any distance or perspective on feelings and not getting swept up in them? i think it would be helpful for me to get good at this. before i had bipolar (and before it went troppo (this year)) i used to mostly just roll with and ride my feelings bc they weren't overly extreme or destructive, so i don't really have many skills or experience at this i don't think. I have fur babies, but they live outside and aren't always up for a cuddle sadly! (one will shortly go find a stick to throw for example (he lives to play fetch before all else ) and once my horse bit me when i was trying to snuggle her for comfort :'( - funny story! once i was in a super weird mood and wanted to cuddle an animal but my dogs and horses were not up for it (this was after my insensitive nag bit me!) so i captured a chook and snuggled and patted it!! but then i let it go bc it was not snuggling me back and clearly did not want to be in my arms. hahaha)). Playing guitar could be an idea? should find something like this. often i have no motivation to do anything when i am feeling like this though (any tips anyone on motivating yourself when you're really really lacking in motivation?).
25-04-2019 03:24 PM
@Jenn4 You have mentioned that you have a GP but was wondering if you have a psychologist and/or psychiatrist that you see also. They are best placed to help you work through these feelings and thoughts you are having and help you with strategies to deal with them. What works for one does not always work for others so it needs to be a really individual approach.
Having things that you can turn to when you have these thoughts can be helpful - maybe guitar would be good to help you focus your attention and have something else to concentrate on. Finding those things that help you deflect your thoughts is good but you cannot always distract from your thoughts and need strategies to deal with them when that is not possible. This is where your GP, psychologist and/or psychiatrist can help.
26-04-2019 12:07 PM
yeah i have my first appt with a psychiatrist this coming Fri, @Zoe7 looking forward to it - i hope she is good! might get a psychologist too, open to that. thinking of maybe getting advice from a mental health support worker? does anyone have any experience with these? (i used to houseshare with one and he was a tosser, but i am sure they are mostly not! haha). i also think they are for people worse than me? (but also i think i am pretty bad and probably a bit in denial haha). will re-string my guitar for sure
26-04-2019 12:25 PM
Everyone deserves support @Jenn4 no matter whether you feel others are 'worse' than you or not - whatever you are going through is just as important as everyone else Hon.
I personally think finding a psychologist would be good for you to talk through some of what you are going through as well - maybe discuss that with your GP and psychiatrist in your upcoming visit next week. It is good you are looking forwad to seeing the pdoc and I hope she is a good fit for you
26-04-2019 12:58 PM
thankyou, @Zoe7 , I really appreciate your encouragement i hope she is a good fit for me too - i googled her and she has 2 reviews on a review site and they are both 1 star haha, but that's only two people so see how we go.
26-04-2019 01:06 PM
Individual therapists/doc have different fits for sifferent people @Jenn4 What suits one may nt suit another so hopung this one suits you.
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