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Living with BDP. Finally getting help. Have you gotten though it/better?

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Casual Contributor

Living with BDP. Finally getting help. Have you gotten though it/better?

Hi. I'm 37 and have been living with BPD since I was a teenager. I was diognosed a couple of years ago, though I think I have been in denial about it. I've done nothing to help myself and have recently lost my family. I've been abusing substances and have told myself that these have been my problem, not the BPD. I've finally woken up and am getting help. I think there would be a chance for me to get my wife and child back if I knew that recovery (I've never been more committed to fixing an issue in my life) wasn't going to take years. I don't have years. I know this wont get fixed overnight. I've let myself get to a point where I am so constantly miserable, angry, etc... My career is being affected, my home life is in tatters, I need to turn this around.

I need to know if you have gotten through this. What did you do? How did you do it? How long did it take before you started feeling a difference? Is this even possible? Sorry, I know these are a lot of questions. I've thought I could 'fix myself' but realise now that I need help. Hearing from people who have been there would mean a lot. Thanks to anyone who replies.

8 REPLIES
Moderator

Re: Living with BDP. Finally getting help. Have you gotten though it/better?

Hi there @jackson12.  I am Eucalypt, one of the moderators here. Welcome to the forums. I hope that you will benefit from the conversations here. It sounds like you have really been doing it tough. Good on you for reaching out for help and on committing to improving your mental health so that you can feel a little more in control of what's going on in your life. Along with expressing your determination to get through this you also express doubt that this is really possible. Recovery is possible and there are plenty of members here who will be able to share something of their own experiences with you. Again, welcome.

Casual Contributor

Re: Living with BDP. Finally getting help. Have you gotten though it/better?

Thank you @Eucalypt. Really hope to hear from people who have gotten through it, or through something similar. You're right, the doubts are there. Living like this for such a long time, just waiting for my life and self to get better organically... I want to get better. Be a better dad. Be present. Be able to cope. There has got to be more to life than this feeling, being this way.

Community Elder

Re: Living with BDP. Finally getting help. Have you gotten though it/better?

Hi @jackson12 

just wanted to drop in to say hi and welcome. 

I think the most important thing is to get good support. Have you a psychiatrist or psychologist you see. I have BPD traits. It’s really hard to compare situations because BPD can be different for everyone.  I suspect guys deal with it differently too. 

I’ve gone through the DBT program and saw some people make real changes to the quality of their life and relationships. It can be slow going seeing change. I think my relationships with my kids (young adults now) is getting better all the time. I find I’m more able to stop and think. There was a module called interpersonal effectiveness skills in DBT which is good at helping with communication and more positive relationships. 

I still have a long way to go in my development but also have a complex diagnosis too. Personally I’m still struggling with my moods swinging and emotion regulation but am wanting to work on that more now. 

I think the advice I’d give you is to stay open minded. It’s easy to get caught up with this is the way to fix things. My experience has found that little parts come from many sources. Sometimes it’s on the forum when something clicks, sometimes from therapies like DBT, sometimes my mental health team and for me sometimes helplines. I think there are many new therapies to help with BPD now and I think it’s worth finding what works best for you. 

Please be patient and seek support where and when you can. I believe you can do this. The hard part is unlearning the way we’ve always done things and learn new healthier ways to live our lives. 

Good luck. 

 

 

Casual Contributor

Re: Living with BDP. Finally getting help. Have you gotten though it/better?

Thank you @Teej and nice to meet you.

I've lined up both a psychologist and psychiatrist this week. I've had both in the past but have exercised no follow through (only one or two sessions)... I thought I could fix myself, and didn't know (until recently) that you need specialists in BPD treatment approaches.. DBT is exactly what I will be doing, and I will definitely take your suggestion about the Interpersonal Skills Component. Very relevant.

I have been relieved to find this forum too. I used to attend AA meetings, and found hearing from other people was priceless. More valuable, often, than actual treatment. I am throwing everything on being okay this time. I need actual help. I need to stop pretending I am fine. 

I have read recently that women are more prone to BPD, and that men and women are affected differently. Like you say too, there are so many little bits and pieces of the condition. 

You're so right too, the hard part is the unlearning. 

 

Senior Contributor

Re: Living with BDP. Finally getting help. Have you gotten though it/better?

Hi @jackson12

Welcome. My mother has, I believe, BPD but is in denial. Sadly my sister and I have had to walk away 8 years ago and not consider returning to her life. Such is the price of denial.

Im in awe of you because you are brave enough to face your demons.

Myself and two siblings all have/had bipolar, anxiety and depression. I suspect having a BPD mother contributed towards some of that. My brother took his life at 26. My sister and I have attempted. So the ramifications are huge for everyone.

One day your child will return to you. If not as a child then as a young adult. They grow up quick. As a non custodial dad (when they were young), the pain of losing my full time fatherhood was unbearable. But I got through with distraction by building my own home and working hard as well as dating.. ..basically finding a life.

I wish you well with getting back with your partner however she has a big say in that and it might not happen as she will need convincing. If it doesnt happen then focus on your child and move on to someone more compatible because sometimes it isnt all blamable on an illness. Low tolerance can be a factor.

My eldest daughter was 7yo when I attempted suicide. She is 29yo and married last June. As I walked her down the aisle it went through my mind- who would be doing this if not me?

Anyone but not her father.

Well done in finding your courage.

WK
Casual Contributor

Re: Living with BDP. Finally getting help. Have you gotten though it/better?

it's great that you recognise the issues Jackson12 and want to turn them around.  You say you don't have a lot of time but you are only 37.  I was 59 when diagnosed - and I believe BP was there from my teens! 

I have found that basically you have to change your ways of thinking and of doing things.  Rewire your brain.  Sometimes it can't be rushed but it is well worthwhile.  To begin with, you can change your behaviour,  IE - I thought like this but I did that (deifferent)  The end of each ady is a time to reflect and celebrate your achievements - even if there's only one, things are better than yesterday.

I don't know whether bipolar is different for men and women, but I do know that women tend to discuss things more.  If your partner will meet you it will be a chance to tell her what you are working on.  Don't hold back and wait till you're "better".  By then she will probably be long gone.  If you can make her part of the healing process, it will benefit you both in the long run. 

Not ready for that yet?  Nothing is set in stone.  This is all about you - yes YOU NOW.  What you did in the past doesn't matter any more, what others thin you should do or think of you is irrelevant .  Part of your healing is to impact better on others so you will be taking care of that once you are ready.  I wish you well. 

Casual Contributor

Re: Living with BDP. Finally getting help. Have you gotten though it/better?

Thank you @Wattle3 I am seeing her saturday and hoping this will help. I am devoted to change, but she is skeptical or keen to start over and not risk dissapointment/losing years herself. I'm trying to stay positive, but we all know what it's like to have these overwhelming emotions. It's a constant battle.

Casual Contributor

Re: Living with BDP. Finally getting help. Have you gotten though it/better?

That's wonderful that you're seeing her. Even for the sake of your child she may be motivated to give the relationship more time. I believe we are all on several continuums - the autism spectrum, unipolar/bipolar, OCD/relaxed etc. None of us is perfect and it's how we interact with our favourited other which is important. We have no control over the cards we are dealt but we do have a choice as to how we play them. I hope you can be honest without getting too excited. Tell her how much she means to you and that you miss her. Remind her of the hard times you have been through as a couple and how you came out stronger and smiling. There is no guarantee that if she started over with somone else it would be any better - could be much worse. A lot of men are controlling and violent - and you just have BPD! You love her, and your wee one and you want to be with her. I hope it goes well.