04-09-2017 04:41 PM
I'm in my mid 50's and have had careers in the helping professions most of my adult life. Listening to friends and family, and even strangers on the street has been an habitual trait I can't seem to shake.
I feel a little broken at the moment trying to avoid situations where I'm used as a sounding board for 'their' problems. My own issues are on top of me and when I try to voice my concerns, a common answer is; "You think that's bad, what about me?" I then listen and engage as usual and leave the conversation feeling ignored and alone.
I wouldn't say I'm homebound, but close enough to it to feel scary and stuck. I call Lifeline sometimes for another voice in the room (I live alone) and it's mostly productive, but it doesn't replace close connections I crave; especially to discuss happy or up-lifting topics.
I was hospitalised this year and found it exasserbating being the one who needed support. I ended up listening to other patients and ignoring my own needs.
Even now I'm tempted to read posts and reach out to help.
How do I resist this temptation and focus on my own life?
04-09-2017 05:17 PM
Hello- Welcome to the forum
i hope you find The community here a place where you can be heard. Its a good quality to have to help others and be a good ear- but yes, we all do need to take care of ourselves first dont we
Have you ever tried to engage in any community activities or hobbies where there might be a couple of other people to chat to and make some friends if you wanted to?
04-09-2017 06:51 PM
I believe that it is often very difficult to show the same compassion and understanding to ourselves as we do to others and it takes alot of practice to be able to say'actually I am not OK and I need some support myself'. You have taken the first step in doing this by reaching out here @Hope4me
Often when we are the ones that 'others' come to for support we also become reliant on 'helping with their issues' for our own sense of self-worth. Therefore when we are not in a position to be able to help in this way it has a trickle down effect on us helping ourselves.
I certainly don't have the answers here except to say it takes time and practice to be able to put oneself first (I definitely have not achieved this myself yet).
The wonderful thing about this community is that we can give and/or receive support when we are able to - there are no expectations and no judgements.
Now is the time for you to receive support and I have found this forum to be filled with the most caring, compassionate and supportive people who understand, empathise and can relate to a wide range of issues and experiences. I hope you find it to be the same for you @Hope4me.
If you have any questions - just ask. If you wish to continue to read along but not respond to posts - that is ok too. Sometimes we learn more by listening than we do by speaking!
04-09-2017 09:32 PM
05-09-2017 05:12 PM
Such wonderful and kind words...I'm smiling as I didn't know if I'd get a reply and now I have 3.
I've tried a women's group and see family now and then, but my MH isn't what it could be which tends to confuse and overwhelm me, especially in groups. I have an abundence of empathy as I've said, and this is maybe a guise for avoidance or fitting in to be liked.
I mostly stay within my four walls in case there's conflict or unexpected events. I have a history of traumatic experiences since childhood, and up to a few yrs ago dealt with things ok. (Ignorance is bliss) However, the glass eventually had to overfill and I broke down; one too many trauma's.
I've since retired and found myself in an habitual cycle of bad sleeping patterns that means I sleep during the day, and stay up all night. My diet's less than healthy and my TV, phone and laptop have become my surrogate friends.
I have plenty of psych support, med's, coping strategies and emergency resources, though I must say I'm a bit tired of 'learning' about myself and recovery. Ptsd flashbacks and anxiety keep me on my toes, which is another reason I don't venture out so much.
Anyway, I'm still here and that's the main thing. It's lovely to meet you all and will endeavour to stay in touch. I may look around for a social space on here; I'm not familiar with navigating the site yet, but practice makes perfect.
Thankyou all again...Hope
05-09-2017 06:57 PM
I've just been cruising the site, and found a discussion about Neuroplasticity by @OstaraAust on Aug 8. It was amazing! I sat through the 1 hr documentary in awe as each scientist went over their findings.
I'd love to be a part of the next installment on 12 Sept at 7pm. I'm assuming it's then; 2nd Tues of the month? I'm not sure if reminders are given or if I need to put it on my own calendar, but I'd really like to be here. I have questions.
05-09-2017 07:05 PM
05-09-2017 07:14 PM
That's right @Hope4me The sessions are the 2nd Tuesday of the month, kicking off at 7pm AEST.
As @Former-Member said, if you 'Like' the first post in that thread, we will @mention you at the start of the session and you will an email, assuming you have your notifications on.
If you got an email notification about this post, then you have your notifications on
06-09-2017 07:26 PM
Thanks for the info @NikNik and @Former-Member. I'm learning as I go. I just posted on the sport page, but it came back with 'cannot be authenticated'. I'm unsure if my post will be allowed. Pitty, I enjoyed writing it.
Can I ask how long it takes for my posts to be moderated and posted? It'd help with timing responses etc.
I'm loving the discussions on lighter topics. I'm not confident yet with heavier issues though as I want to take my time and not rush my compultion to help others before myself.
Anyway, dinner cookin' time. Cheers to all...
06-09-2017 07:29 PM
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, guidance and referrals, see the SANE Help Centre
SANE Forums is published by SANE Australia with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE Australia ABN 92006533606
PO Box 226 South Melbourne 3205 Australia