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Schizophrenia and dating

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New Contributor

Schizophrenia and dating

I’m starting to date someone with fairly treatment resistant paranoid schizophrenia, so I’m pretty new to the world of being a carer I guess. I’m looking for any guidance that people also on this road can offer, any pearls of wisdom so to speak. 

Fortunately I don’t have to get involved with meds at this stage, just getting to appts, shopping, bills etc., and we obviously catch up socially. 

I feel like a deer in the headlights right now. Sometimes he will tell me what the voices say, and other times he denies anything at all even tho I see him talking to himself. What do I need to be aware of? 

5 REPLIES
Casual Contributor

Re: Schizophrenia and dating

Well first off, I would like to say that because you are in good hands because I have dated someone with this disability, and my mom has this as well. You need to be very patient because this condition can be very hard to deal with if this guy you are dating is hearing voices. Also, make sure that you are aware of when he takes his medications, and also, that it may be very tough at first. I have seen my ex bf going through counseling treatment as well, so if you care about him enough just be there to support him through the tough trials, and honestly, don't go into too much stresses because this disability isn't really an easy one to handle, but within time it can be definitely treatable. My mom has her bad days and good days. Make sure you know his bc mood is a very big factor to how he feels. I wish you the best of luck
Community Manager

Re: Schizophrenia and dating

Hi @June9@hailanguyen1

I'm Margot, nice to meet you.

It can be a little daunting to start a new relationship with somebody, especially when you learn that they are living with an illness like schizophrenia. It's great that you're being proactive about things and reaching out for support early. 

Each person's experience of being a carer is unique and depends very much on the needs of the individual they're supporting. I wonder whether it's worth talking to your new partner about the kind of support they'd like from you? What could you do that would be helpful? What are the things to avoid doing? How might you be able to communicate to them when you need a bit of space to look after you?

There's some great info on schizophrenia here and a list of resources from Perth Voices Clinic here. If you're intersted in reading more about other people's experiences, you can use the search bar above. Here's one to get you started on relationships and schizophrenia

Hope that's useful for now 🌻

Community Guide

Re: Schizophrenia and dating

Hi @June9 @hailanguyen1 @Margot

Congratulations for coming here @June9...you are brave and clever to write in. 

 

How are you? I have been married to someone who is diagnosed with (Chronic_ meaning suffering all the time) paranoid schizophrenia for 7 years now, together for 8. 

 

We went to high school many years ago and re caught up ...actually, I was dreaming about him for a couple of weeks and found him on facebook and contacted him. We just knew we were meant to be together and got married 9 months after re catching up. His Mother absolutely could have chopped my head off when we got married and my Mum could have chopped my head off but we proved them wrong. Not because of anything but we are just meant to be together. His Mum very respects me absolutely now. 

 

To stay with me: my husband quit all illegal self-medicating substances and is trying to quit smoking: He smokes one or two cigars per day compared to One packet of rollies per day. 

 

My first recommendation is this:

 

1. See you Gp and tell him/ her what is happening. The support you will get is fantastic. They can link you into carers to help you as the relationship rolls along but more of that later.

 

2. Find a great carer's group support where there is either well-facilitated group therapy or individual group therapy. Or what my husband and I do which is link into a Relationships Australia group and see them once per fortnight together. When Schizophrenia is in a relationship there is a lot of fear and confusion and the therapy will be very good. We think that it has saved us many a time. 

 

The first decision that we both made was that my then boyfriend promised to take his medication and see his Psychiatrist regularly. I posted a piece of paper on the wall that suited him if he felt out of control/ confused. 

 

1. Look in the mirror.

2. Find a comb.

3. comb your hair.

4. Look again in the mirror.

5. Have a good hair day!

 

No yelling. Try and stay calm.  

Dont hit. Even on the arm.....Nice and calm. Your Doctor can explain all of that. 

 

We get a lot of support but it's been difficult and hard for us to get where we are: It has been a journey. 

I wanted this to be a short message but it isn't. 

 

I make many many mistakes. Many many many mistakes. My husband is the most beautiful gorgeous man imaginable and I can be Ms moody and frustrated. I get two carers in twice per fortnight to meditate with me for an hour. It's guided meditation. 

Good luck, please stay in contact ...

 

 

Senior Contributor

Re: Schizophrenia and dating

There are a number of articles on this topic available online @June9 such as this article I have provided a link to - came across it when researching MI. My husband is diagnosed with bipolar ii but at one stage Sz was in the differential Dx so I looked up quite a bit about it.

 

https://www.everydayhealth.com/hs/schizophrenia-caregiver-guide/schizophrenia-and-relationships/

 

Senior Contributor

Re: Schizophrenia and dating

@BlueWater

This thread might be of interest to you.