28-09-2017 08:24 PM
I've tried putting this down on paper before posting, but it didn't go well. So following with the title I'll try typing and hope to get the courage to press the post button at the end. I'm hoping to come and add on as time goes by and if others want to join in and post, the welcome mat will always be at the door.
My history is of sexual physical and emotional abuse from the very beginning of my life. I have decided not to enter details as it reads as a horror story and would upset and trigger other members. As you can well imagine, the scars I'm left with are deep and the struggle to go on unbearable most of the time. At 13 years old I decided to escape into a convent and did just that at 16 yrs old. The training and lifestyle were extremely difficult, but I will always be greatful for the escape provided at the time. During my years in the convent I completed nursing training. Mental and physical illness caused me to leave this lifestyle beside just before I was to take final vows. Thrown back into the world I feared so much, where so much had changed I met and married. If only it could have been a glimmer of happiness but it was an abusive relationship and I stayed for 17 years til my husband had an affair and dropped me off at the mental health ward, I have never seen him since.
I have left religion behind as I could not fit in to the requirements, instead I'm hoping to find some spiritual meaning and freedom to think through and chose what I believe. I'm searching.
Diagnosed with DID severe depression and anxiety, anorexia plus other labels I didn't think applied I spent years in and out of a psych ward. Like I said earlier on, life becomes unbearable and the struggle, well just that, struggle. I now live alone with my best friend and lifeline, my little rescue dog, a chuchuia, a small bundle of pure love.
Well do I press the post button or not??????
28-09-2017 08:38 PM - edited 28-09-2017 08:39 PM
I'm in awe and proud that you pressed post @Maggie. It takes so much strength to share our stories so vulnerably. I'm so very sorry that your life has been such a struggle and you have been hurt by so many people 😢.
I know I haven't posted much to you yet but your beautiful spirit has shone through on the forum. My experiences with mi are very different to yours and I have total admiration for your struggle to survive, however I wish for your sake it didn't have to be the case that life is a struggle. My old psychologist used to say of my mi that it was a struggle and a strength. Sometimes I take comfort from that.
Sending hugs and best wishes 💜🤗💐
28-09-2017 09:05 PM
28-09-2017 09:31 PM
Thank you for sharing your story @Maggie. I wish I had something deep and meaningful to say, something that could make things a little brighter in your world. But I think we both know there are no words. I've heard you though and I deeply value the courage you have shown in sharing your story here.
28-09-2017 10:29 PM
Hi @Maggie .... ❤️
I am proud of you too, taking this plunge and sharing your innermost struggles .... it's no small thing.
Finding a place to be able to say what happened to you, without needing to mention specifics, is an empowerment ... I hope you feel that. I am so, so sorry for the terrible suffering you have encountered, and personally I find the development of DID an amazing response of the human spirit to overcome the evil that has befallen it, and to survive .... in defiance to be able to move beyond the abuse.
As a part of trying to understand what has happened to my WH, I have come across the study of sub-personalities ... this model is called Internal Family Systems .... and the idea that we all have an inner family of sub-personalities who work together to express and guide our "whole" is something I find comforting .... an understandable explanation of all our different facets.
I am assuming you have found other threads here pertaining to the challenges of living with DID ....and other forumites with that shared existence happening for them too ?
You have mentioned your fur-baby before .... and I am delighted that they are in your life. Your garden is clearly another source of joy for you.
Hugs and hugs @Maggie ..... I hope this thread helps you to feel more settled in ....
28-09-2017 12:08 AM
Hello my dear friend @Maggie. I read your story on here with a tear in my eye of all the pain you have endured - some I already knew of, some that I didn't. But I am also proud of your testimony of endurance against the odds and of the kind, compassionate, loving, talented and special person you have become in spite of it. I look forward to spending time with you on this thread knowing the fact that Sane has gained a very special person amongst its rank who will enrich this forum for all. So proud of you. Love OTE ❤️ xx
28-09-2017 12:33 AM
28-09-2017 09:57 AM - edited 28-09-2017 10:25 AM
Good morning my friend @Maggie
How are you this morning my friend? A beautiful day here and am just about to go with hubby to have his scans. Just wanted to thank you for your caring posts last night. It meant a lot and showed me how much you genuinely care. Received some really good support from some kind others too on the worry thread which I am highly appreciative for at this difficult time I face. They understood what I am going through and their genuine care was so welcoming at this difficult time in the true nature of a supportive forum. I am very grateful. I am doing well now as a result - thank you.
Thank you for your understanding and belief in my good intentions that I always have in helping others and I feel safe with you. I know myself well too better and know the compassionate sincerity and genuine intentions of my own heart and I like her and thats all that matters too. Unfortunately I do not feel safe on my own thread here so will be letting that go - just wanted you to know that so you wouldnt be wondering. I will phone the mods for their help, support and guidance privately. I will still be here most days welcoming and helping in any way I can with new comers, and will certainly pop in to see my trusted dear friend @Maggie and some others from time to time who know me well. And will start rAnd on topic threads. It's been quite a few years I have been on here now and it's a great rewarding experience. So I am going nowhere.
I am getting closer to finishing my story and will tag you and a couple of others to see if they wish to join in or not. I am having a lot of fun with it and will put it up soon. Looking forward to seeing more pics of your cross stitch and garden here when you can as it would give joy to all. You are a genuinely kind and caring soul that doesnt judge and I want you to know how much I appreciate you for this and feel comfortable with you - it is true support that I need right now. You will go from strength to strength and I will pop in from time to time to see how my special friend is going. You are a diamond among pebbles my friend. Have a wonderful day 😊xx
28-09-2017 02:59 PM
@Teej Your response last night was spot on and so very welcome. I went searching for your thread but no luck, it must be deeply buried beneath new stories. I have not had the strength to reply til now to say a heartfelt Thankyou.
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