23-03-2019 05:47 PM
My Mum was diagnosed with Schizo Affective bipolar disorder when I was 11 (10 years ago).
She spent years in and out of hospital, escaping from hospital, refusing to take her meds.. she would lock me in my room and would throw things at me, for years. and in turn I ended up resentful and angry towards her despite knowing that she can’t control her mental illness and she was having an awful time too.
A decade later, she’s apologised a thousand times and is mentally a lot better, although not the same mum as I had before bipolar. I want to forgive her wholly and move on from the trauma I endured too young, but I find myself even now angry about it and still hurt. Is there anybody who can relate and who has gone through the process of truly forgiving who could give me some tips?
23-03-2019 06:15 PM
Hello and welcome.
I found this talk very helpful when I found myself in a situation where I wanted to forgive.
It might be helpful to speak to a counselor yourself if you are looking at reconciliation and how to go about setting boundaries, these are relationship rules that will help protect your heart as you reconnect as well as psych education and how best to reengage.
24-03-2019 05:20 AM
@Chelseaharp Hi Chelseaharp and welcome to the forums. I have schizoaffective disorder and have been told I did some dreadful things not only to everyone else around me but to myself included when I was psychotic which laster for a period of several years on and off until I have now finally been diagnosed and medicated correctly.
My daughter is very protective over me even to this day. I am not the same mother or person I was before I got sick and probably never will be again. I think action speaks louder than words for me in any case. I try very hard to be a better person and console myself that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes particularly when we are so sick.
Some people will forgive me whilst others who like to bear grudges will not. That is not my problem to take on my shoulders. I do my best to get through day by day and keep trying to be a good mother and role model for my children. It is not easy as I hate my medications and what they have done to me and changed who I am.
I have had wrongs done to me in the past (eg my father was a raging and violent alcoholic) and to this day and have chosen to forgive (not forget but forgive there is a difference). It is ultimately what you can live with. What gives you a sense of peace.
I hope this has helped a bit. Love greenpea xx
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