11-01-2019 11:35 PM
As my Psychologist said, last week:
This time of year (Christmas, etc) is triggering for me (in any case).
My Dad's Birthday was December 27th, he died almost 3 years ago - he died on March 20th 2016, 5 days after my Birthday (March 15).
This year (season), there were more triggers than usual (over the past 5 or 6 weeks).
The repeated triggers came one after the other (no let-up), which worked things up to an intolerable level.
According to my Psych, some of the triggers were:
1) Shoulder injury (Bursitis)
2) Lack of sleep - night after night, for at least 4 to 5 weeks.
3) The threat or fear of Job Loss (Being sacked) - & the conflicts this caused.
4) Dealing with the hospital system (4 times), when I do not understand (have no idea) how it works - this caused major conflict.
5) Family conflict - having estranged relatives (family members) forcibly come & stay with me (from interstate) - this made them feel "more in control of the situation" (helping).
I live alone, & need a large amount of personal space - I am not at all used to people (other than an intimate partner) sharing my personal space.
My brothers & sister-in-law flying over to stay, with no notice (booked within a few hours) - caused enormous stress (worsening my situation).
Even though I greatly appreciated their concern & efforts, their intentions were misplaced - & in fact caused the opposite of recovery (deterioration instead).
11-01-2019 12:12 AM
It really has been one thing after another.
Its terrible you are charged for so many ambulance call outs and were not even treated.
How is your shoulder .... Would anti inflammatories or physical treatment help?
Its hard to put up out of towners, especially not having time to prepare and being unwell. .. and top that with history that is not worked through.
Sorry all I can do is commiserate .... and say hello/
11-01-2019 01:23 AM
I did get physical treatment in the end - not through any hospital visit.
I had to go back to my GP to get a Referral for an ultrasound - the hospital refused to do that scan, despite their telling me that it would show the cause of the problem.
I had the ultrasound, which showed bursitis - then I had a cortisone injection in the shoulder (bursa).
Then I had about 5 physio treatments (5 appointments) to help to refuce the pain, & to improve my movement
11-01-2019 01:30 AM
I had a stint in a psych ward a couple of years back because my brain just decided things were too much to cope with and stopped all emotion; it was the weirdest feeling as I'm mostly over-sensitive at the best of times.
We only have a finite amount of staying power Adge. What you're dealing with is overwhelming; that's the term I used a lot on the ward.
I asked you earlier what issue tonight was most affecting you because separating each worry or task is better than trying to cope with it all at once. Home-Care can do shopping, cleaning, lawns and help with personal hygiene if necessary to focus on other things. There's funding out there if you hunt around.
Your sleep is paramount; I use prn anti anxiety med's to help get 'quality' sleep now and then if I get a bit confused or shaky. This tops up energy to keep going.
Sometimes it's the simple things that work. I pushed my bed against the wall and slept without med's for the first time in 20 years. (lots of rape scenario's) I felt safer and more in control than ever facing my door with no way of getting at me from behind.
I know this has been a long rant. I tend to focus on practical support instead of emotional as it's not my forte
I can't imagine what you're going through, and it's probably unfair to expect similar outcomes from you. One step at a time is the only way to do it. One tiny peaceful moment leads to another; tomorrow's another day.
I really do wish you well on your journey Adge. Here for you...
11-01-2019 05:12 AM
Your response was very caring - I really appreciate it.
I shall have to read what you wrote again later, as I'm too tired for it to sink in right now.
Unfortunately my SA stuff has been coming up bog time, in the middle of all of this - that's because I've been very stressed, & hsve been in a repeatedly triggered state.
11-01-2019 12:59 PM
@Hope4me 's post was great.
I am not good at "care".
I had a hell of a time getting "treatment" for my neck. There are a million and one things that I just do not know about. I have learned a lot from casual reading on this site and learning to apply things to my family or to my self.
@Adge At least you eventually you got treatment. That is some thing. Phew! It should not have been the way it happened. Didn't your GP tell you the right protocol at first?? Why did the ambos keep coming out, when they were not going to treat you. Maybe now is not the time to answer ... Maybe it is still cottonwool time ... I mean treating yourself very gently only doing whatever movement that will help your shoulder recover.
Maybe put off the whole ambulance thing til you have energy to face it, but surely they should be checking up the correctness of calls before sending them out, especially in the country ... its crazy.
Dont mean to set you off with frustration of it all.
Back to my Gently Bently line
11-01-2019 06:06 PM
That's fine, you're not setting me off at all.
My frustration levels have been very high recently.
Very hard to ease (reduce) my frustration - because it's so often triggered by physical pain, & many external events (recently) that were beyond my control.
That so-called Radical Acceptance (DBT) would have been most useful, over the past month (or so)
- although I never managed to understand how to apply (do) that.
Psychologist said it's got something to do with "Letting Go", & not constantly trying to change things (eg pain) that I find intolerable, or that I don't like.
12-01-2019 10:34 PM
I first heard about "embracing" one's pain in a personal development workshop when I was quite young. At that time I had not experienced much pain.
A similar way of looking at it..... maybe
It seems mad to embrace pain, but I think it is do with muscle tensing or compensating .... If we get het up ... mentally reject our experience ... we are also rejecting our own selves or bodies ... because that is where the problem is located ...
or something like that ...
I had a lot of intense pain at one time ... now I have chronic mild ... which is easily set off into the other ... which I try and avoid at all costs ...
I have found looking at art and pictures helpful ways to manage pain ... as it "transports" and gives moments when our being is not screaming out ...
Hope things turn around soon, but it seems it will be slow ... like turning the Queen Mary ...???
Take Care @Adge
12-01-2019 10:53 PM
Thanks @Appleblossom Yes it's a very heavy, slow boat to turn around.
Trust me, it's turning....
I turned away from the constantly closed doors - lengthy referral processes, or refusals to provide me with treatments.
Instead, I've been looking for other options (& motivation) - I'm starting to see some new opportunities (new possibilities) instead.
That in itself is helping to reduce my distress - rather than focusing on what I cannot have (or what is unavailable).
14-01-2019 05:44 AM
Sigh about the obstacles.
Glad about the opportunities.
Finding what works does give a sense of optimisim, even when struggling.
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