02-09-2019 04:26 PM
hi @outlander thank you so so much,your support is very welcome espcially today, yesterday i came to the realisatio nthat next year will be the 20th anniversary since i have had any real life friends. gone out to a party, gone out for a coffee, gone to the shops.
god 20 years, how did i let things get so so bad. im so ashamed of myself and so sad of all the things i have missed out on.
02-09-2019 07:24 PM
03-09-2019 12:13 AM
thank you @outlander your so so kind, im 37 now, i have been housebound since 19 so i have missed all my 20's and almost all my 30's to this illness, it has taken everything from me, i only have my beautiful partner left, im so so scared one day i will lose her if i can't overcome this illness.
no i don't know any of the people i went to school with and they have all moved on and had families, i have no connection to anyone i knew, i stopped everything when i was 19, no contacts i didn't even follow any of them through there lifes journey. everything froze in 2001 for me. im stuck in a time loop with no way out in sight.
im too scared even if i was able to find some of them, the look of horror and pity when people hear what i have been through is heart breaking, how do i explain to someone i knew 20 years ago that my life stopped the last time i saw them? they have homes, families, carreers, friends, travels. all i can say is i keep busy in my shed and have not done much else in the past 20 years. it is really really hard to come to terms with that for me, let alone people i know or have known.
i do a really good job of hiding it from my extended family, they do not know half of what is going on, and i avoid answering any questions or put on a brave face.
sorry this is a long pity ramble, i didn't expect to say so much.
thank you for thinking of me, i just hope this happens to no one else, it is truly soul destroying.
03-09-2019 09:25 AM
06-09-2019 06:44 PM
06-09-2019 06:53 PM
hi @outlander sorry i missed your message.
no i have no support i tried some psychologist, but it did not go well for me, one wanted $300 a session which i can't afford, the other told me i was faking my anxiety and depression and staying isolated for 14 years so i could get the dole as he put it, so no i have not tried again, even though doctors are trying really hard to encourage me to try again.
yes, they explained to me you can do councilling over the phone or skype, and it is an option, i guess after 30 years with this illness im scared of getting better, i know it is strange to day, but being isolated now for almost 20 years im scared of the world, im scared of people and im scared of life. i don't know if that makes sense.
i never had any plans past the age of 21, i never thought i would make it that far, so i never had any idea what would happen if i lived longer than that.
i guess meeting my girlfriend and having to look after myself now is really alien to me im scared of the unknown, im scared of the future.
im going ok, a day at a time, im having issues with my breathing, i think it is just asthma.
06-09-2019 07:03 PM
13-09-2019 08:16 PM
13-09-2019 08:54 PM
im ok, i had my chest xray it seems i am all clear, and they have me on anti biotics for a chest infection which is helping so so much
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, guidance and referrals, see the SANE Help Centre
SANE Forums is published by SANE Australia with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE Australia ABN 92006533606
PO Box 226 South Melbourne 3205 Australia