@Wanderer It is hard when you have been hurt by those closest to you - you fear the inevitable happening again and can't get any enjoyment out of the nice things they do and say as a result. I understand that wall building - still do that to a certain extent with my family - that has improved of late though.
Not good that you are still feeling so down - selling the farm whilst necessary would be adding more pressure on you too - especially as you do not have a house of your own yet to move into. Go easy on yourself @Wanderer - you are doing the best you can do under the circumstances
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